Cheating Death

(This is probably going to be a long one - so bear with me.)

So I had dinner with an "old friend" tonight. Kinda nice - even though I lost the rock paper scissors battle over who paid. (Who DOESN'T know that it's ALWAYS 2 out of 3?!?!)

Anyway - he reminded me of something that I had forgotten.

I should be dead. Seriously - I should be - and here's some reasons why:

I had to have an emergency appendectomy.
OK - so not a HUGE thing - until you hear a little back-story.

I was doing some installs and training for a graphics arts training company. I was traveling - if you can consider 45 minutes way from home traveling - and for a couple of days, I had just a horrible stomach ache. I chalked it up to not a real big deal - until the pain became unbearable, and my fever topped 104.

After catching ALL kinds of hell from the people I was training, and the other trainers, I finally made a call to my Doctor.
(They accused me of being a wuss - which I am.)

After diagnosing me over the phone - he advised me to check myself into the hospital - ASAP. Blood tests came back, readings were read - and I needed to go under the knife.

Well - my appendix had to go. From what I was told post-op, it was gangrenous. Yeah. Exactly. Yuk. Bottom line - had it burst - which it would have within the next 24 hours - I would have died.

So that's instance #1.

Nasty SUV Accident #1
If you can call a Geo (TOTAL Girl Car) Tracker an SUV!

Remember those death-trap Geo Trackers?? Well, I had a soft-top one. It was cool in the summertime, but proved awfully easy to break in to, so you could steal an Alpine cd-player, an under-the seat amplifier, and 2 really nice Pioneer speaker boxes... But I digress.

So anyway - I was out for lunch - and on my way back to my office. I had pulled into a gas station, roughly 2 minutes FROM said office. I was waiting to cross traffic, to turn left, and head down one the main drags. Cars were stopped in from of me, waiting for the light to turn green. Some a-hole (I can say that now) in a full-size white Suburban (with black trim) had stopped, and was waving me across. The Suburban was big - like most Suburbans - so I couldn't exactly see around it. He waved me across, so I pulled out in front of him, and proceeded to make my left turn.

Halfway through my turn, I looked up to see some dipshit girl driving her Mom's Jeep Grand Cherokee - speeding through the yellow painted-off area before the turn lane. She was speeding to make the green left-turn arrow. Never slowed down. WHAM. She t-boned me. Next thing I remember is looking UP at a paramedic, or fireman. I was thrown from the vehicle, and was laying on the asphalt. (Which is odd, as I ALWAYS wear my seatbelt.) Anyway - The Tracker was totaled, and I felt like hell, but other than that - no REAL damage, to speak of.

Motorcycle Accident

I was riding my Harley to work one day. It was a beautiful day, sun was shining, kinda warm, and I just kinda felt like it. So be it.

There's this one little stretch of my trip to work where cars line up to turn left, and cars going through that intersection go around them to the right, and proceed forward. I was doing that. (going forward, that is.) I don't know what made me look at the big-ass truck to my left, but I did. (Thank God.) He was moving over into my lane. Not good.

The really bad thing about this particular intersection is that there's the street, a curb, a sidewalk, then a beautiful 3-foot concrete wall. ie - no place to bail out, if necessary. Not good.

Basically, I had nowhere to go. Except down.

I locked up the brakes, the Harley's back tire slid out to my right, and I went down HARD. The only things I really remember are 1 - saying to myself (and yes - I really said this) "Shit. This is gonna hurt." and 2 - my head hitting the street.

I was right. It hurt. A lot. I got up, dusted myself off, and other than some blood and bruises, I felt fine. For now. I made a couple of phone calls, and the guy in the truck behind me called 911.

It was getting progressively more difficult to breathe - so much so that I thought I had broke a rib. But I was walking, talking, joking around, etc. I figured I'd be OK. (Rub a little dirt on it - it'll be fine!)

Wrong.

The adrenaline eventually wore off, and I all but passed out. The paramedics and firemen were already there, so as soon as I hit the ground, they strapped me to a short board. (OK - THEY call it a "long board," but I'm 6'5" - a "long board," it's not - trust me.)

I was rushed to the hospital, and moved to the ER. I got 4 I.V's stuck in me (two in each arm) and was moved to room for observation. From what I was told from my family - I looked kinda like the Michelin Tire dude - all bloated. (You have 8 pints of blood in your body. I lost 5 pints inside my chest cavity.) My pulse was barely registering, and I remember being extremely cold. Now I know why.

I was rushed into surgery, and they removed my spleen. (Along with seeing that I had a bruised liver, bruised kidneys, a collapsed lung, and a concussion.)

About a year after that - I finally felt like my insides had "settled." They cut me from the bottom of my breastbone to my belly button, (24 staples) pulled everything out (seriously - that's what my surgeon said) took out my spleen, and put it all back in.

You know how when you open up a road map, and try to fold it back up? Even if you DO get all the folds right - it still doesn't lay flat, right? That's what my abdomen felt like.

SUV Accident #2

I eventually got a Jeep Grand Cherokee. It was decent. I had the Laredo model.

SO - a little over a year from the Harley accident, I was on my way back to the office. (Are you seeing a pattern here?!?! God is telling me to NOT work!) THIS accident happened less than a mile from the Harley accident. Same road - two stoplights past.

I was the third car in line at the stop light. Something didn't feel right. I looked in my rearview mirror. There he was.

I said to myself, (why do I always have to say something to myself) "Holy shit. This guy isn't gonna stop..."

He didn't. Didn't stop, didn't slow down. didn't even APPLY his brakes.

Dude hit me full speed - going probably 40. (He hit me so hard that my seat broke.)

I tried to hit my brakes - but I hit the gas instead. Rammed and pushed the car in front of me, who in turn would have hit the car in front of him, but THAT car heard this going down, and pulled out of the way.

SO - another "short board." Another trip to the hospital - but nothing near as major as the cycle accident.

OK - this post is long enough.